Bears.

Ted's brother vomited in my hair this weekend. Which, in retrospect is really funny. It's funny because we were in the middle of the dark roads in Maine and I didn't actually think he was sick, because it's Dave, who I love, but has a history of feigning illness to leave a family event. I thought that's why we were getting on the road so early. Nope. He really didn't feel good and puked in my hair.

I love Maine. I don't do the out doors all that well, but somehow I don't mind so much when I'm on an Island listening to the ocean and trekking through the woods behind a Labrador puppy digging up deer bones. Or human bones. I mean, it was pretty big and looked like a femur of some kind. Not that I know human bones from deer bones... but still. Maybe there is a serial killer on the island. A serial deer killer.

Oh wait, those are called hunters.

I didn't mind camping so much when we went white water rafting last year, but that wasn't really camping. I had a shower, and I only peed outside if I wanted to. Which I did want to at night when it was dark and scary and the bathroom was too far away. I also felt super self aware that the only people sleeping could hear my pee on the leaves. Which made it hard to pee. But I digress.

I love watching Survivorman type shows. I mean, I think Cast Away was a freaking amazing movie. What's better than Tom Hanks playing Tom Hanks BUT WITH A BEARD?! A good beard will make any movie. Especially a movie about a gay man trying to hide the fact he's gay at a wedding so he brings his best Fag Hag.

So, though I haven't tested my outdoor capabilities I wonder how I would fare. Clearly I would have to get over the peeing thing. And I'd have to learn how to make a good fire. And ward off bears. Or at least talk them down from being such grumpy faces. Which, if you consider how good I am at calming down my grumpy cat, I may be pretty good with the bears. I don't want to brag, but if I rub Gus's ear he is putty in my hands.

Maybe I'm better off than I thought....

The whole reason I bring this up is because I think it's all going to affect my Zombie experience... when it does happen.

I still promise that Zombie Plan Part II is coming soon.